Thursday, 4 December 2014

Her First Flight

Yes I knew that's not gonna happen yet I was standing there in the oblivion, waiting for her. Deep in my heart I can never believe that we weren't meant to be together still I was expecting her to come back. My childish moist eyes were not accepting the obvious fact. Even though it just had been just a couple of week but it appeared as if I have been with her for ages. From nowhere she came, ignited my child consciousness and left me burning in agony.

Her First Flight
On a very bright day, some eight summers back, I remember I came across a sweet little nest of some bird on my terrace. The curious me, in no moment noticed the purple egg in that golden color nest properly hidden behind a wedge. I used to observe the mother bird taking care of her egg. Few days later when I went back to the nest there was no egg, instead there was sweet bluish green baby bird. That little bird, was such an awful thing to me. It was really an adventurous feeling to see such a little life, for a twelve year old kid. I used to visit that nest in order to keep an eye on whatever the little bird was doing and also do place some water and rice, as I was not knowing what exactly that bird eat. I don't remember at what speed those days passed as when next time I went to see her, she was trying to fly out and I do got thrilled by her efforts. One day as-usual, I went to see her only to find her missing. My heart sank. I thought that she would probably have left but the much familiar chirping sound from the corner terrace made me jolly glad. The bird might have fell down while trying to fly.

I was under expression that she won't be staying for long when one day I saw her at the corner edge of my terrace. I felt what was going to happen. But I never wanted that, I never wanted her to jump, jump into the cruel world but that wasn't in her nature. I couldn't withstand her decision to dwell herself in the nature but who was I to control her, a helpless infatuated amateur teen. She jumped from the top, aiming the bright sky, for HER FIRST FLIGHT but unfortunately under effect of gravity, she headed directly towards the ground. My little eyes almost cried and was unable to look down to see the expected end. I knew it was all over but certainly I looked down and to my utter disbelief my little bird was still alive, breathing while her soft silky greenish feathers supported her in flying, helping her to fly higher and higher all above the bad world into a free space leaving me only with her memories. I was happy and gloomy for her at the same time as she was leaving and will be living her life on own. I knew this was end. She took a path of no return. It was her life and her nature was to rise high all above and be free while I was still tied to some invisible chains only to see her going higher and higher, and hoped for a new life to her.
I do visited her nest to see if she might have return but there was no comeback ever.
Years have passed to this incident but inside me those chirping of that little bird are still alive and fresh as before! 

Thursday, 6 November 2014

A Regretful Soul!

There I was lying cold and motionless. I couldn't sense or feel anything. I could see blood stained bed-sheet on which I was resting, as I was never to rise up again. There were people; whom once I used to love, crying and yelling in pain of loosing there beloved, but I had no emotions for them right there. I was nostalgic and weightless as I moved to the corner of that room, right next to the window which was looking down at the street; leaving my dead lifeless body behind.

Sixty two years of age was much more than I expected. With all duties done, children having settled, and after dreading five years of loneliness since my wife's departure, finally I was done too. Even though I was a good son, a loyal husband and a loving father yet I wasn't calm inside after leaving my body. My hard outer being was fully eroded from inside leaving guilt and thirst of undone works.
A Regretful Soul

I was a dedicated man. A man of visions with a hunger for the best. I was into the mad race for the worldly attractions of best jobs and the comforts. A couple of years back I was having the best job and few moments back I had all my imagined comforts but now as my numb body lied silently on stretcher; I have nothing excepts my regrets and hollow inner-self.

Past was so uneventful. I shouldn't have been in so much hurry for growing up. Childhood was fun but I cared least so as to become an adult as early as possible- I wish I had enjoyed my childhood in a real sense. I knew friends are no doubt necessary but initial backstabbing never allowed me to make friends as my first priority- I wished I had made some real good life long friends. In college days, I always managed to sneak out any possible plan of my mates of having fun- I wish I had bunked few lectures and should have gone with them on rides around the college and the city. I remember her, my first crush, as everybody do remember their's; but I never dared to speak the truth- I wish I could have spoken my heart out to her. My parents loved me a lot. With age I became too busy to become capable of buying all comforts to them. I forgot that with me they were also growing up- I wish instead of buying all those feeling-less comforts I would have comforted them by my presence and should have taken care of them. For any human observing one's own child grow up provides immense joy; but in rush of securing their future, I never noticed them growing up- I wish I had taken less care of their unpredictable future and should have enjoyed with them in their present. Throughout my life I loved my wife more than anything. When she was in the final battle against asthma I brought every best doctor for curing her, instead of being with her all-through and providing her faith- I wish I could have made her satisfied by my presence right next to her and had thanked for her devotion and love.

With the dawn, as I observed the reddish hue of sun, a part of me started to move to the soul world. And no sooner My Regretful Soul, slowly faded into the surrounding for never coming back again.

Don't leave what you have right now to go and chase what you don't have!
Looking ahead is good but not at the cost of your present!!

Thursday, 2 October 2014

A roadside couple!

"We are happy and present for each other every time- what else do we need?", with a skimpy cough, said the old shoemaker sitting at the entrance of his clapped out hut, as the smoke rose from the back side of his little empire, on the very nick of the road, where his wife has been cooking for the two. As he sewed my shoe's tore mid-sole, I kept wondering what those resolutely noxious eyes have seen in their entire journey of life- to be so peaceful and turbulent at the same time, even when devoid of all worldly matters.
A roadside couple!
Two years back, I remember, Everyday I used to cross that super busy road; right next to a nearly shattered hut- to reach my coaching classes. While travelling back to my dorm, I used to peep in to that little place only to find an old man and a women; who use to talk in quite a chivalrous mood. But whenever the lady left for some work, a grave fear used to coat old man's smile. I wanted to know the reason but how, I being an outsider -could invade their personal life. Still, I never lost my hope and used to peep in to there happy world- just out of curiosity.
No sooner, it was time for me to leave that place to move to college at a new place. But down in my heart I had few unanswered question, which today would have withered me from inside if I had not asked then.
A day before leaving the city, I purposefully- tore the mid-sole of my shoes with a pair of scissor. Then at an appropriate time post evening, I went to his shop cum house. He was about to close but I intervened and told the urgency as I was leaving the next day but had no other pair of shoes. While keenly observing at the tore mark, he instantly asked if Somebody has intentionally did it. I told him about an imaginary notorious lad of my landlady.
As he began his work, I just couldn't stop myself and asked, "Do only two of you stay here?"
In reply he just nodded his head, while his fingers worked on my shoes.
I mustered a little more courage and asked ,"Do you have any children?" 
To this; he gave a grave look and said ,"We had!".
Like a bolt from the sky, those two words, "We had!"-made me skip a heart beat. I felt shameful and was unable to meet his charcoal dark eyes. He, noticing me uncomfortable, said," It was quite a long time back." as he continued he said," We had a loving daughter. She was a very bright child. But due to brain fever she couldn't survive long. We didn't had enough money. Still we tried. But I think God loved her more. Now she is not with us, only I and my wife are to support each other, take care of each other and nobody else. I try not let my wife feel her absence but deep in my heart even I miss her so badly but can't express. After our daughter's death, my wife was emotionally wreaked and had no reason to live. But to me; being her husband how could I see her in pain. Since then I have supported her and we lived for each other."

Everyone of us has his own life, his own struggle story. You can not predict from one's expressions-what he has seen all through his life. To every single person life is a series of unpredictable inevitable events. Its an indefinite fight against all odds. Life takes turn. But also give us reason to breathe and fight till the very end. Its us, who has to decide whether to live your life or merely survive. But anyhow you have to smile, rise and move forward to certain end.

I had no words to comfort him from his heartfelt grief. I just gave him an understanding look, paid and returned back.

Monday, 1 September 2014

Oneday

One day you will miss me
Like I missed you forever..
I am just sick 
If not you
Death should meet me rather..
In this world of agony and pain
where tears shed like rain
I remember, we had spent
few lovely moments together
which now can not be cherished
with one another..
One day you will miss me 
Like I missed you forever!

In this world of multiple faces
I too learnt something bad
Its only "pretend" to be HAPPY when you are sad..
Though I regret
For what I had done
but doesn't mean
Only I caused initiation..
I had a problem untold
that I can't keep my feelings hold
and this was the devilish work
which brought my life to dirge..
let, bygones be bygones
still, there's a flame burning 
and will be enlightened
till the sun of my life sets ever..
I bet,
One day you will miss me 
like I missed you forever!

Sunday, 24 August 2014

Who cares!

Who Cares If I am sad
Who Cares how I feel
Who Cares If I am alone
Who Cares For the evil I deal
Who Cares!
Who Cares what I alike
Who Cares what I need
Who Cares what I wish
Who Cares To listen my plea
Who Cares!
Who Cares to ask my well being
Who Cares for my innocent heart
Who Cares to hear my silence
Who Cares if I did not start
Who Cares!
Who Cares If I miss my self
Who Cares if I shed tear
Who Cares If I fake smile
Who Cares of dead life I bear
Who Cares!
Who Cares If my eyes go moist
Who Cares I miss my smile
Who Cares for my somewhere lost mind
Who Cares If I want to be happy for a while
Who Cares!
Who Cares of my unusual behavior
Who Cares If something I want to tell
Who Cares to understand me
Who Cares how bad I felt
Who Cares!
Who Cares If I got hurt
Who Cares of nightmare I see
Who Cares If I dread dreams
Who Cares to accept my plea
Who Cares!
Who Cares of my existence
Who Cares if I was not born
Who Cares for this lone soul
Who Cares for this Lovelorn
Who Cares!
Who Cares If I am alienated
Who Cares If I am wreaked
Who Cares for the kind of mine
Who Cares If I was dead!!

Thursday, 17 July 2014

All About Our Life!


Life is certainly the most unpredictable, unfathomable and awfully unusual web of events occuring with us. Life has its own nature. It always happens. Whatever we imagine we never get, whatever we get we never have wished, whatever we wished we never received and whatever we received we never accepted and loved. We live in dilemma of bad past and unknown future. We always remembered whatever things and people we lost but we never ever appreciated beautiful things and important persons we have.
Why life is so different, so challenging?
Is it really most confusing thing or we are the one hugely confused?
We all think to have a life according to us but at most occasions it goes on itself, bringing in surprising people and events that we never ever had imagined of. At that point of life we shouldn't be stubborn, sometimes we should compromise with situations and people, as each and everything happening to us, is for our good only. There are generally two ways of living our life. First, whatever we like to get, we should put in our hundred percent to achieve it and second, whatever we get, we should appreciate and like it. Life is not that easy. Its not bed of roses to be walked over. Its tough. We won't even get a grain of wheat until we don't long for it. Hard work and dedication are the only input. We need to put appreciable amount of labor to become known to the World. Life is the greatest competition. Here we fight with ourselves to realize what we actually are. Life, sometimes make us laugh hard but same make us cry too. But those who keep themselves cheerful and smiling, at the end, make the World fall for them. Earth is round. What goes back, comes back again. Give happiness, joy and warm memories to everyone you come in contact with you so that one day you get your share, returned back to you. We should try to bring a smile on each face we get along with. That's how life is. The most amazing gift we can ever receive. Do appreciate it and live it as it should be lived.


#inspiredAnie

Monday, 7 July 2014

An Old Book and The Feelings

In a dark corner of the shelf, I was lying since the time immemorial. Now I was An Old Book for her. I remember when she bought me I was quite appealing with a brand new cover, attractive bold titles and meaningful insights with some awesome reviews. She was very happy while holding me in her hand and felt proud. She was extremely curious to know everything about me. She thought I had all she wished for and was totally flaunted with the beautiful sensitive story I stored in, and with the life I contained in me. Nosooner I became her first priority to everything. She would accompany me in her thoughts everywhere until she was able to know me all. The day she got to know whatever I contained, I became a thicker lifeless book for her. She soon lost interest in me. I was not that exciting and interesting now as she knew every bit of me. Finally she bought a new book. Yet, she often sometimes go through my pages when bored but now I was an out of interest book with nothing new to say and so there I was, lying in the charcoal dark corner.

I know I was not that bad. I had readers who were into me like anything and admired about Feelings and words I had in me.

There was another girl too, not much into books, still bought me even though she didn't find me that interesting. I was sad as I thought that I might be just kept aside without being read but to my disbelief, she did read me. But her reading was not just a usual reading like the first girl did but she was very calmly reading me as if I was her new found treasure. While reading she would save her memories of that day in between my pages. Sometimes lines in me often got connected with her thoughts and events happening in her life, her imaginations and feelings, every small things were being stored in the beautiful words in me. She made marks, drawings, circles as a memory and wrote little notes on my pages. For her, I was not just a book but a collection of her emotions. I never became a day older for her even-though she went through me a number of times. Every time she did read me, she got reminded of the emotions and feeling that she preserved in me and these bunch of feelings only made me special for her. She kept connected with me as an important part of her life with whom she never got bore.


Our Feelings are no different. We are just similar to a book. To some people we are life and soul to them, a store of wonderful memories and feelings while to others who just pass over us, we are just An Old Book with no life. We should remember, We all are special, We all are interesting, We all have awesome things to be known, We all are yet to be discovered. Its not people who become less interesting but its our Feelings and respect that we don't give them. Its similar to our feeling less reading. When we know everything of a person our interest die because we did not had any feelings with them. Initially we are attracted because of certain qualities but soon we get use to it and finally it becomes bore and unknowing we loose a wonderful company as An Old Book, which should have been a collection of memory, is left empty in this Inhuman World!

Saturday, 14 June 2014

City-lights and the Moon!

Past week wedding ceremonies were at brim. At every place I was able to hear cheerfulness and the festive mood of the respective families. Recently I too paid a visit to one such family wedding ceremony. To we teens, weddings just mean some super delicious varied variety Food and a refreshing atmosphere, a way too different from our over pressured college or school life. It was all fun till the belly was empty but no sooner after eating enough, I needed to sneak out of that place, much over crowded with my family members. Finally, I was successful. Finding a way to top floor of that premises, I stepped up as fast as I could, before any pair of eye could notice me. In tens of second, I was at the highest point in that area. I looked 60 feet below to take a glance at the colourful lights coming from the lawn but at the same moment I found myself inclined to light coming from thousands of kilometre away, ie from The moon.
I was just standing at cliff, wondering and comparing city-lights and the moon, one is so man-made and other so Godly created, one is so eye catching and other so mind relieving. While still in my thoughts, in that human less terrace, I felt something passing by my back, something unusual, something unnatural. I guessed that it might have been some odd wind and before I could convince myself whatever I said, I felt some touch. A shock went through out my body. A perfect pair of palm were kept on my thighs. For a moment I went cold blooded . I couldn't dare to look down as at that lonely place I believed myself to be all alone there but this.. it was so awful. Gathering all courage I managed to look down. A pair of charcoal black dark eyes were so keenly watching me and I sighed. It was my little brother. The eight year old little devil , for a moment soaked all life from me.

Noticing me staring in the night sky he keenly asked," What are you watching at? "
Instead of answering directly I rather questioned him, "Which light is better? " while pointing city-lights and The moon one after another.
To my utter disbelief he instantly said," Its from The moon ." 
I didn't expected this straight answer. I thought, what a simple white light could do to a child to make itself better than city lights, to be able to compete colourful bright varied intensity light bulb of cities. 
Giving my reasons I asked him," But why moon light if city-lights look so beautiful and attractive ?" 
He innocently , unaware of physics said," Because it came from God! "
I was magically fascinated by his unimaginable short yet so true reply.
Truely, As we grow up our mind instead of growing , shrinks. We come more into reality. We become more reasonable. We study science. We question and we need proof. We make our life so complex that sometimes we feel sick of it and question ourselves for the things happening to us. We move so much away from God that at a point in our life, we feel all alone and sad in-spite of that best company.
As a child our life was so simple. We believed in God. Every little good thing come from him. Whatever we could not explain was a gift of God. We never argued , just asked and believed. My brother exactly didn't knew why he liked moon light instead of its unattractive nature yet he find it so soothing to over shadow the so lovely city-lights.
As we grow up, we start to care more for made up and attractive things. The real Natural beauties get lost midst them. No doubt both are important to us. Both fill colour in our lives. Its up to us to prioritize city-lights or The moon.

Friday, 6 June 2014

From the past!

Reshuffling back to some previous memories.. 
We all have those lovely moments somewhere engraved in the darkest corner of our mind. Our childhood Days , were seriously something incomparable to any happiness. Giving a little hush to our mind , we automatically transfer from some lone silent present with tensed mind worrying about millions of useless things to some extremely energetic time where play was our only need and being cheerful was our only work. Those wonderful moments of us in past, are today, giving smile to our lips and moistness to our eyes. I wonder how the things change, how our priorities shift with in seconds, how fast time swept away, and how we grow up and how early we are left helpless, hopeless, fighting our present for our future. 

When we were kids we were so eager to grow up. We envied our elders having so much freedom. We too wished freedom, wanted to do whatever we wish, wanted to get freed from some company everywhere, wished to be all alone self reliant and free. 
Surprisingly , we were never wrong. We got what we wished just how we got.. was a bit different than expected!
We wanted freedom. Our wish was done but with that we were also given worries, anxieties, problems, misfortunes, hatred, sleep less nights, heartbreaks, fights, mental torture and a lot many complimentary surprises.  So, today after dreading nearly 20 years for true freedom, we finally have it but now our chained legs can't move. We wanted to do whatever we want. So today we can but our hopeless tired mind doesn't want. We always wished to be adults, today we are but now we don't want to be. 
That's human nature to have expectations and get betrayed sooner or later. We had wishes and dreams but then we saw only one side of the coin. The reality of life was much different.
Today we realise that we never knew what real happiness actually was. It was much above freedom and free will. It was not about success and money we achieve. Rather it was more related to ourself than our need. It is all about satisfaction. It is all about mental relieve. It is all about inner calmness.
Life is itself a turning point. Take a twist , take a turn. Be satisfied with what you have. Smile for the beautiful childhood you had and motivate yourself for upcoming future!

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Regretful Past!

What age you are
It doesn't matter
twenty thirty
or lived forever..
I was there
I am there..
I will be there
with nothing new to share..
In those dark unknown corners
In hidden forgotten places..
some where unknown
with zero access..
I am with you
midst the daily events..
under stacks of
memorable moments..
I am your thoughts
I am feelings lost
I am your unsaid words
I am your regretful past!

Sunday, 30 March 2014

A Devil Unbeaten!

The Devil, a supernatural entity that is the personification of evil. This is as per Wikipedia and according to mainstream beliefs. 
But Modern definition of a Devil is more humane. And is more bewildering.
The Devil, might be pounding off regularly all around under some respectable mask, having some authoritative title, waiting for a prey, might be eyeing on anybody of us. More often the dull innocent decent soul falls for these masked devils and gets themselves lost in a guilt of an undone mistake.

Society is completely bowed down before this Unbeaten devil. This devil resides in corrupt bodies with sinful thoughts and with an aspiration of exploiting human bodies.

Sexual harassment, is on an exponential increase with the exposure of people, especially fairer sex, to the modern world. It is literally impossible to judge about the intentions of the person in this so called civilized world. A respectable person, sweet as sugar, turns out to be the reason for worst nightmare to an ill fated life. These dark devils not only affect the physical well being of a person but also dissolve the psychological tranquility of that person. These canny evil minds, very smoothly take control over the emotions of their prey and ruin the serenity by taking unusual sexual advances . The confine of the surrounding doesn't affects them. It really doesn't matter whether it be a school premises, college encirclement, workplace or even at home. Sometimes even the relations doesn't matters them when it comes to satisfy themselves physical urge of touch or feel.

No one except the girl can judge, what kind of touch 'that' was. Only the victim can tell about the righteousness of the attitude, the other person is having towards him/her. These flesh hungry devils, feed on chasteness and decency of the prey. The less the person responds to the abusive advancement, the more they motivates the culprit to harass.

Speaking up is a basic thing to do to deal with such advances. A person should be bold enough to stands for her/his self respect and self esteem. A person should be very much responsive against any Unfair Unwanted Unacceptable Unlawful Sexual harassment occurring against her/him. Silence, may be a good way to avoid certain problem, but to erode this inhuman act one needs to speak up and stand out for her/himself. We should know that we are the only one responsible for things happening to us so, we should stand for ourselves and fight for our self respect.  

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Re-Discovering Happiness!

Are you happy with your present life in the modern world?
if yes..
then give it a second thought.


We all of us have had a moment of stillness in our lives. Sitting in the balcony or on the side space of window and feeling soft breeze on our skin with a mug of coffee and a biscuit, and nothing to worry about. All task done, room cleaned, cooked food, completed assignments etc etc etc. Completely no tension. Certainly life can not be better than this.

But thereafter also, with the first sip of the coffee, we feel something is missing, something is not going the way it should go in our lives. We have the every possible reason to be happy; a good life, a job, a good college and a happy family, still we feel there is some void in our mind waiting to be filled but we are unable to configure what is lacking in our happy relaxed life.
We are living in the so called 21st century, the modern era, the age of science. In-spite of all the modern gadgets, machines and resources why are we still unable to find that missing peace in our mind? why our parents and grand parents were much more happier and relaxed even though they didn't belong to the modern age?
The reason solely lies with in us and around us. We, in modern times, equate happiness with the amount of money, possessions and the bank balance we have, but these all materialistic things never gave us as much joy as having tea or coffee at some road side shop, or while having some local food item from some road end vendor, with our group of best friends. Our elders were happy because they enjoyed their every moment with a breathing being and not with any dead possession or bank balance. Happiness is not a thing to be possessed,  its a feeling to be felt, from each and every single moment. We always find our self smiling while talking useless to a distant friend, we feel relaxed when we keep our head on our mother's lap while she gives us a head massage, we find security while being with father no matter where we are, we laugh out the loudest while being with our group of best friends, we find care when we are with our grand parents and their never ending super interesting stories, and we only discover love with our lover while walking down a long lonely path.
With these people only, we feel really completed. Its just because they are the one who are the need of our hungry soul and our lonely heart. They are the one with the magic to complete our incompleteness and fill our deep void. Being with them is the real happiness and not being with all worldly materials. True happiness lies with in us and in the people around us, and not in our possessions and money we have.

Hope, you will re-discover your happiness too!

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

My Last letter : A story of a girl

Today, fifteen years later , I am writing this letter to you , with a bottle of pesticide kept right in front of my eyes. My husband is a pesticide engineer . I had never thought that this pesticide would ever be used to serve this purpose but its the need of the time .

Like most of the girls in our civilized Indian society I too , was warned to be careful about the immoral behavior of our metropolitan cities , when I moved out of my parents care to complete my graduation . As I belonged to a very conservative family , so from very small age I was told not to talk with unknown people . Anyways , in the new city the college was good and I made friends with a number of girls. Even they too , warned me to play safe on that new stage of life and specifically to boys .
One bright day , while parking my scooty at the college gate , the handle just slipped off my soft palms , but never the soon a pair of strong hand helped me out. As I was a bit aware of boys in the college , I said thanks and avoided any further conversation . Every thing on earth was going well before I lost my library card , just to be found by that guy and soon thereafter , we became good friends . In no time rumors spread about us but I ignored the illogical talks going around . One fine day , on his birthday he asked me to company him for dinner and later , we regularly met for coffee . Every thing was fine and I was careful as I was told by my parents . They warned me to be aware of unknown people but now he was not an unknown anymore , so I need not be that careful . Time went on its pace and we became best friends . Later in the final year , he became the leader of a student party of our college , so being a friend of such a guy made me feel even more proud . And after the elections he was chosen as the student president of the college . On that occasion he was gifted a new bike by his father and he asked me take a ride with him around the college . I told him for that he need to wait for me until the college gets empty , near the college gate. But I forgot even though the students were not there still the guards were on their duty as well , and there they saw me riding with him.That particular day , details of the episode of my pillion ride on my friends bike reached to my home before me . I just went pale seeing my parents furiously waiting for me . My father's anger made my love fade away in no time .


After that day I told him to avoid any possible way to contact with me . Later also , he tried many times but I ignored . He not been able to overcome this trauma , became an alcoholic . I was in touch with what was happening to him , but still I avoided him . And then , on the last day of college , through one of his friend he asked me to meet for the one last time to meet him . I went to the place where he called me .
I was in a shear stress and shock after seeing his condition . I totally blamed myself for whatever happened to him . Feeling pathetic for what I had done to him and being unable to control my tears , I just broke away into his arms in that lonely hall of the house . He supported me to let me not feel sorry for what I had done....


I had been married since 15 years . I am writing this letter to you , with a bottle of pesticide kept right in front of my eyes.
My husband is a pesticide engineer . He is a very caring and loving person. We have a thirteen year old son who too is as intelligent as his dad . He was challenged by his dad to secure first position in class to get a computer and that naughty son of mine overcame his dad's challenge to get the computer . I was not much aware of computer but my son tried to help me out in every possible way.
One day , suddenly my son came running furiously to take me to his computer . I had sensed what should have happened . With the bless of social networking media my fifteen year old pictures were being shared on the internet . The photos of my last meeting with him . The photos , which were taken as a memory of our love . Those photos which became an object of fun and amusement on internet . People on the internet , saw my skin but remain untouched with my moistened eyes . They enjoyed my cloth-less body with him but were unaware of mental pain . He , who took those picture to have some best memory of us , played havoc to my life , years after . Whole society stood against me but my husband always held my hand to support me in every possible way .


Now, I am writing this letter to you for the last time and it might be possible that you are reading any letter for the last time . As I have informed the cyber police and they will get hold on you very soon . Those people are one of the most toughest people to deal with . They are very brutal and torture like animals .
Till the time you are left with , don't put much stress on your little brain . You should now , try to protect the honor of your family . So , before police arrives at your place , drink the pesticide I am sending you with this last letter.
bye bye..!!
With love..

Saturday, 15 February 2014

The Proposal: Discovering Love!

I was an all time single guy before felling in love with her. Social networking, is really acting like a linking path between two unknown people, who might have never been able to meet if these social sites never existed. Like every usual day, there was nothing exciting going on my life. I loved my life the way it was. It had been a long time when my heart was betrayed and I was left with a void, deep in my heart. Since then, I used to avoid any further involvement of my heart in any matter. I allowed my brain to work upon it logically rather than getting emotional because of my heart. That was the secret of my new found world.. only my world!
No sooner, I became strong enough to tackle any problem logically than dealing with it emotionally.
Enjoying years in a faithful company of myself, I understood the difference between what I was and what I am.
Every single part inside me was healing but still the void, created years back remained intact.
It was not before, by luck or chance or may be because God wanted this, I found her and soon felt that the void was degrading, and my heart was healing.
I am a guy, who loves to make friends with different people and to know about them, a person, hungry for experiences from others and always love to interact with other, no matter whether online or offline. But I never guessed that something that special was inked by the Almighty. Till date, I don't know why, but still as Someone has said that a second is enough to judge a person, and her flaunt-less way of expression directly knocked my heart down, and I wrote " Hi!" to her. Since then, the curiosity to know each other rose a new height each day. The frequency of words being exchanged increased day by day, even though she warned me about the magnitude of talks between us but still, we both were unable to hold on. It was like, we discovered the real friend in each other for whom we were in search of. Any relation is based on trust, understanding and care, and we both were finding this in each other. Sharing our happiness and sorrow made our bond even stronger. It was like telling our own self and knowing ourselves even much better while talking to one another.  With time our friendship was growing up. As we trusted and believed over each other, closeness was usual and dependence was natural. Both of us never wished any commitment as we both had our own unfortunate past. Still, I found myself falling for her. Even though she never said, Still, I knew she was also falling for me.
I was very confused about her. My heart and my mind reciprocated totally opposite answers. I was not sure if it was right time but then, I finally decided to follow my heart and make proposal rather than waiting for her to express her feelings.
We both were keen to meet each other so we planned our meeting at a well known place. That day, I was a bit anxious. Seeing her coming, was like finding peace for my soul. And with a shear approach, I invited her to sit at a corner table near the glass door. We had a good amount of conversation over our lunch. As the time of separation was coming near by, I was finding an exponential increase in my heart beat yet, I was calm and positioned. Now the time had come when I had to propose. She always wished to have a proposal over phone call ( I know its kinda weird.. but..yes.. it was..! ) still I insisted on Face to Face proposal. While under going through mental confusion, I just excused and went out through the glass door. I was still confused how to say and what to say. Then, I got an idea. I waved towards her through the door and I called her ( she was just like.. why the hell I was calling from outside the glass door..). In no time she picked up my call. I, after a minute pause, said to her that I had never said before to any any girl, while looking straight into her eyes, over that phone call," Will you be the love of my life? ". I, for a moment, just went senseless. As if every little thing has paused except her breath which I could hear through phone while looking straight into her eyes. Her face turned pale, I felt as if I did something that I shouldn't have done otherwise. I, still having phone near my ear, was controlling my emotions from over powering me and then with each passing second I found her shadowy sparkling eyes getting brighten up and then I heard,"Yes, I will!" in a low frequency.

Saturday, 1 February 2014

Unconcerned Middle-class !!

"Could you please provide us with some space to sit ?"
"Sorry old man! I am, myself not able to properly sit on this seat."- replied a man , who was comfortably sitting on the corner seat. 
The old man's sunken eyes were unable to find any place to sit. Finally , he decided to sit on the floor with his son. I don't know why , but his cracked  wavery voice caught my attention. While the old man was adjusting his little luggage , his son was just staring at him as if he wasn't knowing what his father was doing . Suddenly , from no where a women entered the train compartment and began investigating if the old man and his son were settled or not. I was a bit amazed while she was talking to his son , who was in his mid twenties, in some kind of sign language and with mixture of some words. Later , I configured out that the boy was intellectually disabled i.e.mentally retarded. I felt quite sympathetic for the boy and of course for the old man. Nevertheless the train , with a jolt , started moving. The women who appeared overwhelmed in-front of old man and his son , bade good bye to both and left. While she was leaving , I noticed her moistened eyes which she tried to hide from both and she even succeeded. After such a huge annoying disturbance , I finally observed some rest in the air.
The old man , preoccupied in his place kept observing the compartment and the people around him as if he was travelling for the first time. With his clothes, anyone can predict that he might belong to not so rich lower middle class family . His son appeared very much curious about the things happening around and got his doubt resolved by his father in some sign language. For the time being they both became the center of attraction among the people present there.
Beggars are part and parcel of the Indian Railways. It was nothing new , that I was seeing there at that moment but still there was something which made me feel ashamed . Usually ,we , the middle class people , as and when observe a beggar approaching us, we get busy watching outside the window or get occupied with some other things , that most of the people were doing at that time.But, unlike all other people, that old man took out coins from his pocket ,which was all that he had with him as his entire wealth, and gave one of the coin to the beggar.
That was the time that made me to realize that with increasing literacy and living standards their is an exponential decrease in An Ideal Human behavior and cause is still unknown to me . We , with the time , are becoming more selfish and becoming feeling less for other people .   
With the next halt , I arrived at my station and left my train.


courtesy: Daksh Shrotriya

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Growing Up !

Here I am , soon leaving behind my teen age group to add one more to the adult beings. Many of us already are a part of this group , some would be joining with me and others in some short period of time. But the fact is, that every growing being is going be a part of this age group sooner or later. The time slipped away at a much pace than I expected. I never thought it would be this much painful to be called an adult but yes it is. In my , childhood days I wondered how great it would feel to be an adult where no one is monitoring  your movement , where you are the in-charge of your life: the captain of your ship. But , today nothing is  happening as I used to fantasize about.
Today , after breathing nineteen springs , I am only left with some crooked past , multiple falls , some heart breaks , few longing friendships , many separations and a heavy heart with a burdened soul. I am not a pessimistic but all I seeked for , was absorbed from me to some lone place where I could never get. There were moments of achievements also , but they fell short enough to overcome this mental trauma.
Remembering into the past days , a blurred image of a boy appears ,who was as free as wind and did whatever he liked to. He was physically under control but mentally untamed. He found every little happiness in his mother's lap and security by his father. Playing had been his favorite hobby as he had no distraction other than finding a good place to play with his friends. All he did was enjoying and relaxing all the time , as he believed that his parents are always there for him. And yes they were , but there strength and body were not. They, who were observing a careless boy becoming a young man , were ignoring that they too were getting old. The small boy who otherwise , would have even conquered the world , was going under mighty changes.He realized the truth and what his ignorance in the past has cost him in the present.

The boy who wished to become an adult as early possible , now , when is just few steps away , is trying to go back into the time and cancel that wish. He who wished to be free and alone , now wants to get his mother's company . He who wished to be free from any kind of monitoring , wants to be under the eyes of his father . He who wished to eat at restaurants , is missing the food cooked by his mother. He who wished to become an adult , is now missing his childhood. He who wished to live is ceased to "exist" . Growing up is exciting. But , in a haste of growing , ignoring various little happiness coming in our way , can become a life long curse.
'Time once spent is gone forever'. Consider its importance seriously. Live each and every moment with joy . We are lucky enough to have this life then why to waste precious time in weeping .
We should try to be happy as we all took birth and we all are in a journey , together , some a little forward and some a bit behind , but something is common , we all are changing , we are growing.. we all are "growing up"!! 
  

Tuesday, 21 January 2014

Poem: Saving you!

I am confused
whether to or not..
respect my mind
or go apart!
whatever it say
should I accept..
or let my destiny rule
with some respect!
I was never wrong
still I can apologize..
to keep things right
I can pay myself as a sacrifice!
all that i could
i did to protect..
and tried to tell
from the every aspect!
its just play of words
all that took..
to make me odd
and make me shook!
thousands of words..
that I didn't say
was later misunderstood..
and later I had to pay!

Thursday, 16 January 2014

Departure:A Realized journey

Finally I was there , sitting all alone on my berth in the train , with some never seen faces at Lucknow Railway Station . The train was as still as mountains while my thoughts were equally unstable . Fighting those thoughts of uneven feeling , I somehow managed to find sleep .

It had not been a long time since I slept , when with a hush of the wind over my face and a sudden jerk , on that cool winter evening , I was brought back from some unfathomable thought to the practical world . A blinding flash of how I was forced by time to bid good bye to my parents , moistened my eyes .
Just few days back after spending a great deal of time in my college I went back to my home for the winter break . Returning back home was some thing of real excitement and coming back was an equally devastating feeling inside.
As the train paced up, my mind paced down. I felt some weird stillness in my head. Looking out the train window with my moist eyes I kept observing different trees, houses, lakes, animals and every possible thing in my view, were going away from me as if they were never to return (of course.. they won't i.e their condition at that time won't be same again!).
I realized that every disappearing scene from my range of view was very similar to each passing moment of my precious life.Each and every creation of nature which a while ago appeared to me as a mere worthless thing were suddenly personified to something of immense importance.The insignificant shrubs, grass, trees appeared like the in numerous  people we meet, and leave and forget while we are on our journey.They come for some certain reasons and leave as soon as they are done.The beautiful green fields and vast stretches of fertile mother Earth represented our relatives that bring freshness and a new excitement to our life.They stay in our memory for a respectable time period.While carrying on with my journey on train I came across some really lovely lakes, fast flowing rivers, long bridges, thundering tunnels and other things which we are not able to forget easily.These memorable roles are played by our dear friends.They are the real source of joy, fun , amusement and a healthy life.
That whole evening I was thinking and comparing every noticed object to some or the other person. In all this I was still unable to find something to compare my parents and then I realized the infinite cover underneath I was traveling. That infinite stretch of sky was representation of love and care of my parents to protect and bring comfort to me.Throughout the journey every nearest and dearest thing left me.. some earlier.. some a bit later but there were somethings which were always with me even though sometimes I didn't noticed. While every creation was leaving me the Moon and the Stars were there with me throughout the journey even though they disappeared to me in morning but they were still there like our parents stay with us in every situation even when every other single being we love leaves.I was finally satisfied that I will never be alone.
With a hope that I was being guided and cared by parents if not directly then indirectly, I felt asleep and with the first rays of the sun I reached my college , astonishingly , not with low feelings of leaving my parents but with confidence of having them by me always!!